You are beautiful - the "Sisters" edition

After reading Catherine and Loralee’s posts today sharing the beauty they see in each other and exhorting their readers to tell someone they are beautiful, I knew immediately who I wanted to tell.

My three sisters. I don’t think I’ve ever said it except in a quick dismissive “Don’t worry, you look great” kind of way but I’d like to now – I need to say it now.

Individually, my three sisters are the most beautiful women I know. As a unit, on the rare occasions we allow ourselves to be a unit, we are beauty defined.

I don’t feel comfortable sharing their names with the whole internet without their permission, and since in their infinite wisdom (@@) our parents decided to name us all with the first initial “K” I’m going to refer to them in the order that they came into my life (I’m the oldest).

My first sister. I’ll admit to probably not being able to see your beauty and charm when you first came along, although I’m pretty sure that the story about me trying to throw you down the stairs was exaggerated. But damn woman you grew on me. Your beauty reminds me of a comet. You had a rough start and I watched you meet many obstacles with a force and determination that simply burned right through whatever was in your way. I raged against that single-mindedness at times, but I am not unable to see its beauty. We have differences and we’ve hurt each other. There may never be a time where we fit the classic sister description, but you own a piece of my heart and will always be a part of me. When you doubt your own beauty, see yourself through my eyes and heart as the little girl playing so joyfully in the garden at Boston Children’s – things as “minor” as constant pain, horrifying meds, and a scary hospital were not going to interfere with your good time and the joy and happiness in your eyes was mindblowingly beautiful.

My second sister. Your beauty is like the moon. Outwardly you can be quiet and unassuming, but you love with a force that can move mountains and tides. Being on the receiving end of that kind of love is to be graced with unforgettable beauty. When you doubt your beauty, please try to see yourself through my eyes on the day you walked into my hospital room arms full of balloons and stuffed animals and god only knows what else to celebrate Cassie’s birth. Just like the rest of us you knew damn well that she might not make another day or even hour, but you were going to love her and celebrate no matter what. That beauty and love enabled me to get up and keep going and believe that we all might make it through.

My baby sister. Darling you are the sun. By the time that you came along, I was pretty convinced that happiness and laughter only existed in books or were for other people. Things seemed pretty dark, but then along came this bundle of energy, and light, and laughter. Things changed in our family then, and I found myself taking on more responsibility and taking care of the three of you. I’m sure that many would argue that I was too young and that it harmed me and they’re probably right. I would say without a doubt that it couldn’t have been all that great for the three of you – I simply didn’t have the skills to be what you needed and I made so many mistakes. But your love and your smile and your laughter made it all worthwhile. You have a light that emanates from you and simply blesses everyone lucky enough to be around you. When you doubt your beauty, remember that it is your sunshine that usually banishes my winters and discontent with myself.

This last bit isn’t so easy and I tread lightly in the hopes that I don’t hurt any of us, but I really feel that I need to say this at least once before it’s too late and I’m afraid I’ll never be able to say it aloud.

I meant it from the bottom of my heart when I said that when we are united, we are beauty defined. It might be that we’ll never see that again in this lifetime, but I needed to let you all know that I believe in that beauty. This isn’t a guilt trip or an attempt to force us all to get along. I actually realize that it might just not be in the cards for all of us to be “together” and that each of us has to do what works for them. For what it’s worth I don’t think that that is necessarily “bad” or that any one of us is to blame – we are all doing what we need to do to make the best life that we know how.

Despite that, I can’t let this go without acknowledging the beauty that is us as a group, as a unit that is “Sisters”. Whether it’s the four of us side by side in ridiculous matching outfits smiling into a camera despite the fact that there was likely a knock-down drag out argument 10 minutes before, eating ham salad sandwiches (with crushed chips or Doritos!) or Caserta’s pizza @ Scarborough, or holding hands and holding each other up as we followed a casket down the aisle, there is simply nothing more beautiful, more strong, or more close to my heart than us together as sisters. I’ve heard it said that the strongest, most beautiful flowers grow in adversity – how lucky we are to have all grown together in the same garden.

No matter what happens to or between us, my wish for all of you is that you always are able to keep that beauty in your heart and that it makes you as happy as it makes me.

If you’re reading, take a moment and tell someone, anyone, that they are beautiful. It will be great for them and you’ll be amazed at what it does for you.