There Be Dragons...

I read this post from one of my favorite bloggy thinkers and initially my first reaction was “Wha?” and wishing that I could have a little of whatever he put in his coffee...

This particular battle snuck up on us. It started this summer with some unusual bouts of tears and meltdowns at weird times. Oh well, it’s been a tough year and he IS only eight – he’s allowed a little bit of drama. Hugs and a little extra attention seemed to settle him down. Then came the complaints that he couldn’t breathe and that his chest hurt. That made me pause, but it would go away in a minute and only happened when he was upset about something so OK he was just getting himself too worked up. THEN a Sunday morning music video set him off on a crying jag that had him breathing hard and when I bundled him up into a big hug I realized that his heart was beating so hard you could see it – WTF??

Sitting in the ped’s office this week…”When does this happen? How long does it last? What do you feel?? Visions of every sharp word, every impatient look, EVERY. SINGLE. LAST. “What! Christopher!” said in that exasperated won’t you just give me a minute voice…

We’ve got a referral to a pediatric cardiologist to rule out any structural or rhythm problems related to the lovely DNA that we passed onto him, but barring any surprises there it looks like he is having anxiety attacks.

Anxiety? After we’ve all but stood on our heads to prove to this child that everything is OK and that there is NOTHING to be worried about?

Then BHJ’s post came back to visit…that picture of Jackson wanting to battle the dragon that had taken up residence in his sisters room. We’ve been living side by side with Dragons for more than two years now and I’ve been telling Christopher they’re not real…

· Cassie’s premature birth and fight to survive
· My heart attack
· Cassie’s surgeries, constant Dr’s appt’s, and visits from EI

And then there are the other Dragons, the ones that still lurk in the shadows, the ones that may or may not decide to come live with us, that we are afraid to name because that might make them real…

How stressful must it be to see all of these Dragons, hanging out with us plain as day, and have the people he trusts the most lie and tell him they’re not really there. We’ve been trying to protect him and hoping against hope that we could deal with the Dragons on our own. Or maybe we’ve really been trying to convince ourselves that they’re figments of our imagination. Either way, we’ve left our little boy feeling as if he’s the only one that can see them and that he needs to deal with them on his own.

So now it’s time to admit it – the Dragons are here, they have been here, and they’ll probably be with us for quite some time. It’s time to take his hand, face my own fears and confront these beasts together. They are awesome and terrifying. Some we will have to battle and some we will have to embrace and learn from (those are the terrifying ones). But no matter what type of beast they are we will face them together from now on. The Dragons are real and it’s time to stop living the fantasy that everything is OK…